Today's Question: "I'm fairly certain a lot of people don't wear a condom when giving blow jobs. Should they? And if so...why? I mean, I know you can get STDs from that..but having that conversation is really awkward."
Well reader, you certainly have me starting out of the gate on a tough one! In terms of public health, the standard answer I should give you is YES! you should always try to protect yourself when you can and that means using a condom or dental dam during oral sex. However, we all know, that unfortunately, as you said, it is not necessarily common practice for people to engage in "safer" oral sex these days. The truth is, transmission (the passing on of a virus or infection) is much lower for oral than anal or vaginal sex, especially if the mouth of the person giving oral sex does not have noticeable cuts.
But, transmission of STIs is still possible. The big one to think about is herpes--a virus that is the most common STI out there. If your partner has oral herpes (herpes in his/her mouth) s/he can pass that on to your genital area. HPV is another one that can be transmitted during oral sex, though the HPV vaccine--if you've taken all three shots-- will eliminate that risk. Every woman should get the vaccine! And hate to tell you, but chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV are all transmittable through oral sex, though again the rate of transmission tends to be lower in oral sex. I should also say that you can still contract herpes skin-to-skin even if you use a condom so doesn't that stink!
Now let's talk about the "awkward" factor. Yeah it's awkward to talk about sex...but do you really think you should be having sex (oral or otherwise) with someone, if you don't even feel comfortable talking to them about it? Communication is a big part of sex. And so is self-confidence! So feel good enough about yourself to feel like your questions are worth a moment of pause. If you don't know the person really well you might just start out by asking "so what's your history with guys/girls?" or "when was the last time you were tested?" these may sound like awkward questions but they're really not and they could help you make the right decisions for yourself.
Your best bet? Get to know your oral sex partner...or at least their sexual history before you get down to business. See if s/he has been tested recently and if they're hooking up with anyone else. These factors will influence your decision.
If you have a partner who has been tested and who is only engaging in sexual activity with you, (and you have been tested too!) then I would say it is safe to consider using no condom...and oral sex can be a fun way to engage in sexual activities wit no risk of pregnancy (for those straight couples out there.)
Plus, they make some interesting flavored condoms and dental dams these days so go find some fruity protection! (Make sure you use un-lubricated condoms for oral sex.)
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