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Monday, March 14, 2011

Talking to Kids about S-E-X

Today's Question: "I know that when I have children, I want to be open with them about sex. I also want them to feel comfortable with their bodies and excited about exploring them. I want sex to be about fun, connection, and discovery (and obviously safety-using condoms etc)--not this "adult" thing cloaked in mystery and darkness. When do you think is a good age to start talking about those things--sex, masturbation, etc. with children?"

From the moment they are born, Reader! The more you can do to take the mystery out of sex, the less stigma it will have in your children's minds, and the more likely they are to have healthy relationships with their bodies, their future partners, and with you in the future. There are an amazing number of books out there nowadays that are made for little ones and the discussion of sex and sexuality. Do a quick google search and you'll find Amazon loaded with them.
But here are some things to keep in mind:

1. It is important to not stigmatize body parts. Try using the real names for sexual organs and not just "pee pee" or "private part." If your child learns the real word for vagina, penis, or breast s/he will be more likely to mature with a healthy attitude towards sexuality. It's okay to teach your children to cover up but don't act like a two year old who takes his diaper off is an exhibitionist.

2. Don't freak out if your child touches him or herself in the genital area...infants, even fetuses, have been known to touch themselves in the genital area. Scientists aren't exactly sure of the reason but most likely it is for comfort and as the child get slightly older, for pleasure as well. Therefore, in terms of when to talk about masturbation...whenever your child brings it up or you see her touching her genital area might be a good time.
One way to discuss the "privacy" aspect is to explain to your child that the same way picking one's nose is fine but considered "rude" in public, so is stroking one's penis to be done in a private area (like his bedroom or the bathroom.

3. When children ask where babies come from, no matter what age don't shy away from the question/get flushed in the cheeks/tell them to ask their teacher. Answer them! Explain that men and women have slightly different bodies, and each of the bodies has specific things that when put together can create a new person. But just like a chicken in its egg, a baby does not just pop into existence but must grow inside its mother's womb for nine months. Don't be afraid to use the words sperm and egg...you can tell them that men make sperm and women are born with all the eggs they will have in a lifetime...these are pretty cool scientific facts! That said, don't feel like you have to unload the whole story (from menstruation to masturbation) all at once. Sex is somewhat complicated and multi-faceted so feel free to introduce different ideas over time.

Also, don't be afraid to explain to your children that you and your partner (if you have one) are sexual beings; that sex can be a healthy and enjoyable part of a human relationship and is something that children should feel free to ask questions about at anytime.

When all else fails...email Shira and she will do a presentation for you :)

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